I feel totally exhausted today and that’s pretty unusual for a Wednesday.  I usually don’t feel like this until Friday.  I am trying to determine whether I am a bit under the weather, and lets face it the weather in the UK and Europe this week has been pretty bad, or if I am just feeling low.

When I was a student I suffered from being a bit low.  I called them “black days” as I had no other explanation for them.  Essentially these were days that I just stayed in bed and didn’t move until 3 or 4pm.  There wouldn’t be anything physically wrong with me, but mentally I would be falling apart.  I wouldn’t be able to muster any reason to get up and get on with it.  I wouldn’t want to speak to anyone, I would want to be left alone and not be seen or spoken to.  Many of these days would be coupled with other factors going on in my life, such as a bad work review or fighting with my own inner demons.  These black days have never really stopped, I think I have just learned to cope with them better.  When you are no longer a student and working in a conventional job you (apparently) cannot stay in bed hiding from the world all day.  You have to speak to people, even if you are behind a mask that betrays how you really feel.  Given time, the feeling would lift and I would be able to get back to myself again.

If this day were five years ago I would definately have stayed in bed.  The progress from five years ago is encouraging.  Perhaps in another five years I’ll be almost normal.