Tonight is the last night of my Dutch language classes and I have to say, I am relieved.  At first I was apprehensive about taking a new language, but as I am staying as a guest of another country I decided to just get on with it.  Unfortunately, the classes have been taught at a very slow pace and have not really been challenging enough.  I think taking this course than the more intensive course (two nights a week and 10 hours homework) would have taken up too much of my personal time.

I do value my home/personal time highly.  I enjoy the comfort of home and will invariably choose to work there if I can.  For me working from home is interesting, I tend to work longer hours at home, become more productive and generally am a happier person to be around.  I tend to be more creative towards achieving my tasks as well.  Most importantly, it is easier to get good coffee during the breaks. 

Working in an office was never my intention and some-days I wonder how it actually happened.  I must have been asleep when I made some of my past choices.  I am running out of time to do things in life and I cannot help think that sitting in an office for eight hours a day is not improving my chances of achieving my goals.  It is doing the things that are important right now, it is paying the bills it is allowing me to stay in a nice house and (as it isn’t the most challenging of projects that I am working on) it is giving me time to think about what I really want to do in life. 

I like the idea that I still don’t know what I want to do with my life.  I remember going to a friends 42nd Birthday party and I knew that he was still trying to figure out what he wanted to do.  I think he just wanted to kayak during the summer and snowboard during the winter.  Fortunately for him he could afford to do this.

I wonder if I have set my goals to high, or if I have set too many.  I wonder if I just don’t have the energy to get out there to achieve them or the conviction to do it.  Is having a regular salary coming in each month just too comfortable?  Will my life fulfillment be kept to working ridiculous hours for reasonable pay?  Will my hands ever be as rough and as strong as my fathers?  Perhaps I just need to breathe deeply when I wake each morning, look forward to the day and try to make the most of it.

I can feel my time coming too.  Many things are coming together in my head.  Opportunities that I haven’t realized before and skills that I haven’t worked hard enough to develop are starting to bear fruit.  I can see a way out of here.  I work in a large complex, and there are many locked doors.  I am nowhere near the main entrance, but I am gathering my belongings, and heading for the office door.